I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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