oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
