ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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