Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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