now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
