My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
These tits shall not be calmed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
