i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
