I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
