I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think my tv is drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
