Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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