you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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