I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
too bad you live with your parents still
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
