Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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