Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
