I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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