he thought i was a dude.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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