I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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