we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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