I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
