Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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