Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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