Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
