I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
