A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
