I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
