I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
