I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
