Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize