Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
