he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
