I faked an abortion last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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