My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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