if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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