I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
