ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
a search helicopter?!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
