my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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