i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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