I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
