You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
