Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
