She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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