i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
