This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
