Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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