I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
