U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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