Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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