Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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