how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
