no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
