if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
