I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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