can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
