She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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