Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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