I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
