It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
