I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
