Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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