you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
