she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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