She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
