This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
