She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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