Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
