i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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